I was invited to the FIT Future of Fashion Show [at FIT] hosted by Alexa Chung, with a guest list that included Calvin Klein, Rebecca Minkoff and Bryanboy (who selfied through half the show). Fashion is a very "serious" industry. People squeeze into skintight ensembles to show off their emaciated bodies (hello, Alexa Chung), steal other peoples' goody bags (unfortunately, Alexa Chung's book sucks, so my effort to steal someone else's was pointless), and sit eagerly waiting to ogle clothes as models parade down the runway, almost tripping in heels a few sizes too small.
For an industry that fawns over anorexic models and gay fashion designers, you would think people would be a little more excited and not so serious, right? Apparently not. I took one too many snapchat selfies and I was glared at from across the room... several times! I sat next to the fashion director of Lela Rose and some other girl (who had a name tag, yet I had absolutely zero clue who she was). It was fun, except for the fact they didn't talk and seemed to be more interested in what was on the menu for dinner that night than what was happening in the fashion show. I love sitting so close to people at fashion shows that you don't even have enough leg room, though it works in your favor that everyone has pin-sized legs. You have the chance to read other peoples iMessages and relate to mutual boredom.
Fashion shows rarely start on time. Fashionably late is fashionably annoying. There need to be added disclosures at the end of every invite, listing "The show starts at 7, but don't expect to waste your time sitting in the audience for an hour before it begins." The head of FIT, who spoke at the beginning of the show, made me laugh really hard because she had no idea how to pronounce anyone on the board of fashion directors name-- shows how much she rehearsed. Or maybe it shows that the fashion industry needs more people with easily pronounceable names, since no one has enough time to practice in between eating their 7 daily almonds and handful of goji berries at their work desk.
I kinda loved this carpet! It's artsy and sexy! I would wear it on a first date, would you??? This piece would definitely have your date coming back for seconds, possibly even thirds if you'd be willing to knit him his own personal snuggie.
Look, a healthy model! I didn't know any existed until this one walked down the runway, though her lingerie was a bit too tight. Well, fashion is all about exposing every lump and every piece of skin on your body, right? This model looked slightly blinded by the light, almost like a confused deer in headlights!
For a lovely end of show surprise, a bunch of random children walked down the runway with balloons, which made Alexa Chung giggle with joy. I think she was more excited about the babies than the fashion show.
A Guide to Effective Snapchatting at Rich People Fashion Shows: Hosted by Me
This was cute and fun. I really like balloons.
Alexa is one skinny betch. She must have known carpets were going to be coming down the runway, and planned her outfit accordingly.
P.S. These thoughts are entirely my own, and are supposed to make you giggle as much as I do about something that shouldn't be taken as seriously as it is.